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"I'm back in the fucking blood ocean!?"[break][break]
Great. It was even more gross the second time. At least last time, he didn't know the ocean was made of blood until it was too late. He also hadn't been a tiny, plinky-plonky avatar, devoid of all features but a little Dhelmise-shaped captain's hat, some hair wreathed of seaweed, and . . . a fluffy Skitty tail? Great. Talk about adding insult to injury.[break][break]
At least, if he was in the blood ocean, Isaac knew where to go. He beelined towards where Past Isaac had been drowning last time, fully ready to fish him out of the water. What he wasn't expecting was to find that Past Isaac wasn't alone. Now . . . Present Isaac? Future Isaac? Slightly Less Past Isaac? It was whichever him had dreamed last time, struggling under the weight of his own self.[break][break]
Ugh. It looked like everything was going to fall on his stubby, virtual shoulders. The Real Isaac (who was a dream, and a weird video game playing piece, making him seem substantially less real than either of the other two Isaacs) shot through the water like a bullet, his nubby little legs kicking around at full force as he tried to spear them to the surface.[break][break]
Past Isaac and Slightly Less Past Isaac turned to Real Fake Dream Video Game Isaac, mouths open to ask the same question. RFDVG Isaac held up his nubby hands, immediately cutting them off.
"You're a dream," he said, pointing towards Slightly Less Past Isaac.
"You're a dream inside a dream," he said, pointing towards Past Isaac.[break][break]
"I dunno. How do we know you're the real Isaac?" asked Past Isaac.
"Yeah. How do we know it isn't me? Or this guy? Or all those Isaacs over there?" asked Slightly Less past Isaac.
"Maybe, when push comes to shove, we're all just Isaac-"[break][break]
"Ohhhhh no. I am not doing all this navel gazing again," RFDVG Isaac said, holding up his arms in a little cross shape.
"Been there. Done that. Not why I'm here today. I'm here because of this!" With a flourish, he pulled out a common handheld item that had been all the rage before the war started; the Vs. Seeker.
"We've gotta thrash some ass, and this is our key to finding it."[break][break]
RFDVG Isaac sat down, fiddling with the device. Much to his irritation, his fluffy tail was swinging back and forth all the while. Past Isaac and Slightly Less Past Isaac peeked over his shoulder, trying to see just what he was scrolling through.
"Do you think-" Slightly Less Past Isaac asked, only for RFDVG Isaac to flash him the device with a deadpan look on his nonexistent face.[break][break]
"Wow. It really is all Isaacs. And one . . . Iris?"[break][break]
"Neato. Good for her."[break][break]
"Guys, guys, guys. C'mon. Focus. Look." The endless ranks of Isaac were one thing. The fact that they all had the textbook ! over their heads was another. Briefly, Isaac remembered his unique power. He would always find adventure, and his quest would never end.
"The second one of them sees us? We're getting stuck in World War Isaac."[break][break]
"I mean, we're all Isaac, right? That should be fine." Past Isaac kicked back and relaxed, a cocky grin on his face.
"I dunno about you, buddy, but I know me like the back of my hand."[break][break]
"Buddy, you didn't even recognize me," said Slightly Less Past Isaac, who to be fair stuck out like a sore thumb from the crowd.
"If anything, I've got the best shot. I've got something unique going on."[break][break]
"Get in line, buddy." Buddy no longer felt like a word. RFDVG Isaac rubbed his temples in irritation.
"So do the rest of us. We're all the Isaacs that make something big of ourselves. I don't see Gas Station Attending Isaac or Single Dad Of Three Isaac slumming it over there. I mean. They're probably there. But once Underboss Isaac gets Beast Isaac to pick out some of the stragglers, we're gonna be in for a rough time."[break][break]
That was the first bloodcurdling scream. Past Isaac started, getting ready to run away from the action. Slightly Less Past Isaac started just as fast, trying to run towards it. RFDVG Isaac grabbed them both by the collar before they could do something they regretted.
"Damnit, guys! That was Academy Award Nominee Isaac! He wants you to think that was him getting stabbed!"[break][break]
"So, what are we supposed to do? Just stand here and do nothing?" Clearly, that didn't sit well with Past Isaac.
"We are so not winning the Isaac Games like this."[break][break]
"We're never calling this the Isaac Games again," Slightly Less Past Isaac said.
"Anyway, you're small, scrawny, and blend in better with the rest of the crowd, so you go forward scout. And weird Digi-Isaac here, if he knows everything, can try and whip up a strategy from the back. I'll watch his back while he does that. Sounds good?"[break][break]
"Right! Before any other Isaacs could weigh in, Past Isaac crept forward to infiltrate into the mass of Isaacs. That left RFDVG Isaac alone with Slightly Less Past Isaac. He scrolled through his Vs. Seeker, nonexistent brow furrowing in confusion as he tried to peek around for some sort of discrepancy. Something didn't seem to add up . . . at least, of course, until he felt a crushing hand around his throat.[break][break]
"Your wig looks like shit," RFDVG Isaac spat defiantly.[break][break]
No longer needing it, the artist apparently known as Slightly Less Past Isaac whipped it off with a flourish.
"It was good enough for the box office, baby," he said, flashing a smile that could get audiences everywhere swooning. RFDVG Isaac had fallen prey to a cunning ambush by none other than Academy Award Winner Isaac.
"And now, it's time for your curtain c-"[break][break]
"Nnnnope." A ball of mud smacked Academy Award Winner right in the perfectly made up face. He dropped RFDVG Isaac at once, pawning at his face to desperately try and clean it off. No longer wanting to get stuck with him, RFDVG Isaac tossed out a Pokeball. Shi emerged, floating at attention before Isaac. Together, they scoped out the battlefield, Isaac perking up when he noticed an Isaac who still had his bike.[break][break]
Jealously gave way to pragmatism, on both Isaac and Shi's ends. Veins of purple erupted along Shi's body, a
Shadow Lock entangling around the wheels of Biker Isaac's ride. That Isaac went flying, RFDVG Isaac shooting him a quick salute before swirling Shi around like a grappling hook. A single Anchor Shot was all he needed to steal the bike for himself, and with that it was showtime.[break][break]
As RFDVG Isaac rode into the fray, he could see anarchy breaking out all around him. Gym Leader Isaac and Champion Isaac were locked in mortal combat, lesser Isaacs being flung around in their wake. Alolan Pro Wrestling Face Isaac and Alolan Pro Wrestling Heel Isaac formed a dream of a tag team, brought to a tragic and untimely end when Alolan Pro Wrestling Heel Isaac laid him low with a steel chair. Beast Isaac had intimidated an entire cadre of lesser Grunt Isaacs into falling in line, only for a bright and eager ten year old Isaac to hold them off in a series of improbably decisive victories.[break][break]
Not all of the Isaacs were fighting. Investigative Reporter Isaac and Field Researcher Isaac were off to the sidelines, taking notes on the battle as Sexy Wrench Holder Isaac very attractively assisted them in their jobs. Unfortunately, they didn't last. With his grunts away, Beast Isaac came out to play, and after dispatching them with practiced ease he had his eyes set on Past Isaac.[break][break]
Luckily, even elite Team Rocket agents weren't immune to motor vehicles. RFVGD Isaac wiped him out with a heavy slam from his motorcycle, hanging off the side to offer a hand to his wayward past self.
"Come with me if you want to live."[break][break]
Dude. You just ran one of us over.[break][break]
"If he was a Rocket Beast, he was gonna do a lot worse to you. Now, c'mon." He scooped Past Isaac onto the back of his motorcycle, the other Isaac forced to awkwardly wrap his arms around his own digital doppelganger's waist.
"Figure by now, the field should be thinning out. But how am I supposed to know which of us is the final boss? We're all Isaac!"[break][break]
"Uh . . ." With a tap on the back, Past Isaac shook RFVGD Isaac out of his monologue. The water was swelling, and from beneath came so many more Isaacs. Normally, that would just be more fuel for the fire. However, these weren't just any Isaacs. They were wearing white copies of their old Team Rocket uniforms, and each rode in atop a Suicune.[break][break]
"Fuck. Who the hell invited all of those The Purifiers?"[break][break]
It was a bloodbath. Gym Leader Isaac (freshly awarded the title of New Champion Isaac) stood shoulder to shoulder with Underboss Isaac, but they both fell the same. Swarms of Isaacs rushed in to try and win through sheer numbers, but the Purifiers beat them back with the fury of a hundred Isaacs each. Not even Tera-Powered Isaac, from the universe where
Naomi Sato's experiments worked, stood a chance.[break][break]
"I think you did. That's how all this works, right?" Past Isaac looked curiously towards RFVGD Isaac, whose expressionless face was currently lighting up with a stream of censored expletives.
"You, uh. You okay there, buddy?"[break][break]
"I can barely keep up with Suicune when they're playing around, and now I gotta deal with a gazillion of them. Does anything about that sound okay to you?" Worse still, other Isaacs kept trying for cheap shots on them, seemingly giving up on victory in favor of boosting their own personal scoreboards. Luckily, Past Isaac was on the case, yoinking the fluffy tail off of RFVGD Isaac's butt and tossing it to the ground.[break][break]
". . . Should I even ask why we're all distracted by a cat toy?" he asked. In response, Past Isaac simply shot him a smug grin and a
"You're welcome." They were free now to ride off, ready to deal with the swarm of Purifiers.[break][break]
They drew to a halt atop a hill, Shi dangling behind them like a free balloon.
"Oi! Dumbasses!" RFVGD Isaac called, giving her a swing for emphasis.
"You might think you're hot shit, but only one of us didn't get merked by Dr. Holo. Whatcha gonna do about that, huh?"[break][break]
There were a lot of answers to that question. The Suicunes all melting into puddles at once wasn't one of them.
"D . . . did we win?" Past Isaac asked.
"Buddy, you know as well as I do our life is never that easy," RFVGD Isaac responded, watching as the puddles began ebbing into one another.[break][break]
The Purifiers now stood atop a colossal, Dynamax-sized Suicune. They all raised their hands as one, and the sky tore open in response.[break][break]
Rain Dance. No, damn near fifty Rain Dances at once. It was enough to flood the island in blood, water, or whatever the hell was going on now. Worse still, chilling mists danced across the air, slowly sharpening the raindrops into a tide of razor-sharp ice needles. RFVGD Isaac and Past Isaac pulled into a nearby cave, barely avoiding becoming skewered like the countless Isaacs that came before them.[break][break]
"So. We're fucked."[break][break]
"Eeyup."[break][break]
"Got a plan?"[break][break]
"I look like a Tamagotchi and that thing's bigger than Godzilla. Do I look like I got a plan?"[break][break]
"You're an Isaac. The Isaac, even."[break][break]
"Good answer." BANG! BANG! BANG! The crashing of the Vs. Seeker against the rocks was every bit as deafening as the sound of thunder crashing outside. Already, the cave was starting to flood, leaving water trickling up to their ankles. At this rate, if their plan didn't kick off properly, they would surely drown.[break][break]
Luckily, it wasn't long before RFVGD Isaac had opened a gap in the Vs. Seeker's Nintendium casing. He scooped down, dipping the Vs. Seeker right into the rising waters. A shower of sparks flew out, barely missing his face. He could already hear the batteries inside letting out a hiss of protest.[break][break]
"Man. I hate that I have to do this." He gave the effigy of his old motorcycle a pat on the side, knowing that this decision hurt all the more when it was at his hands.
"Past Isaac, open up the fuel tank." Past Isaac hung his head, giving it a mournful shake before unscrewing the fuel cap. Luck was on their side. It was just big enough to fit a slightly smooshed up Vs. Seeker.[break][break]
Once it hit the bottom, Shi wrapped tendrils of algae around it. She flew out to face Suicune, desperately searching the Purifiers for something, anything, that could work. How many of them shed their worldly possessions? Why did this have to be so hard? All the while, the motorcycle's fuel tank let out an evil hiss and the waters beneath Suicune began to bubble. Two countdown clocks were coming for their lives. Shi needed to act fast.[break][break]
Finally, she saw it. A picture frame, clutched close to one of the Purifiers' hearts. Sentimentality always was Isaac's biggest weakness.[break][break]
Shi shook the motorcycle like a can of soda ready to burst. Cracks spread along the side of the fuel tank. Sparks and ice needles bit at her sides. The evil hiss grew to a deafening roar. Then, at the last possible moment, she unleashed the move that her father used to save Isaac from MUGEN.[break][break]
In a single Switcheroo, the motorcycle had been dropped right on the Purifiers' laps. They barely had a second to respond.[break][break]
A deafening explosion rocked across the island. The rain slowed, then stopped. The smell of battery acid, burned ozone, and catfish guts wafted across the island. Past Isaac peeked out, waiting to see if it was truly over, but RFVGD Isaac pulled him by the wrist to get him back into the cave.
"Not yet. If they're not dead, we're fucked," he said.[break][break]
Only when the world fell still did the two Isaacs find themselves being returned to their last layer of dreaming.
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TAG — @ [break]
NOTES — notes go here
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